20d. You’ve “Followed Me” to the end…

I have a confession to make…

My fairy-tale love affair at times have been a nightmare.  As much as I want to say that I have loved Fred every second I have been with him, I have to admit there have been times when I just wanted to strangle him!

So if any of you have been wondering if I have had any doubts, I will tell you now, YES I HAVE.  But the difference in our relationship has been that even though both of us have been through times of frustration, we never gave up on each other.  We may have felt like we wanted to quit, but there was something between us that kept us together, tying our fates, even as we resisted.

a coldness that crept up

That is how it was right before Fred was deported.  We were so frazzled with the whole immigration system by then, that the added stress of a new baby, a demanding job, and Fred adjusting to his new role as stay-at-home dad (a lonely existence at that!) made for a very tense domestic atmosphere.  We had been married for 3 years, ripped off by two immigration lawyers, and told to call back every 30 or 60 days by the BCIS (Bureau of Citizen and Immigration Services).  As a result, a coldness was invading our marriage.

Fred wanted desperately to see his family who he hadn’t seen in 15 years.  Being a new father, of course he felt a pulling obligation to introduce his daughter to his own parents.  But with his immigration status in limbo, we felt it would be impossible to go to Lebanon just for a visit.

Now, you have to understand something about Fred —  the more he feels that he is being denied, the more he feels entitled.  So as we were faced with the impossibility of any advancement in his immigration case, his desire to go to Lebanon multiplied manifold.  It came to a point where every night we would be arguing, complaining, or forcing an icy silence.  It came to a point where I felt that it would be impossible to continue living daily life as if walking on thin ice.

So things had to change… for better or worse, it had to change.

Which brings us to the last verse of the Uncle Kracker song…


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